One of the greatest pieces of advice from my spiritual director–actually, almost everything he’s ever said to me qualifies as “great”–was “Don’t be afraid of being afraid.” It quickly expanded to include “Don’t be afraid of being a mess.” “Don’t be afraid of the emptying [God stripping me to give me more of Himself.]” etc. You can fill in your own blank.

One take on this is found in one of Caryll Houselander‘s letters:

“During the war, I was simply terrified by air raids, and it was my lot to be in every one that happened in London, sometimes on the roofs of these flats, sometimes in the hospitals, sometimes in Mobile First Aid in the street. I tried to build up my courage by reason and prayer, etc. etc. Then one day I realized quite suddenly: as long as I try not to be afraid I shall be worse, and I shall show it one day and break; what God is asking of me, to do for suffering humanity, is to be afraid, to accept it and put up with it.”

In another letter:

“You asked me how I managed to accept fear in the raids. Well–perfectly simply. Instead of kidding myself and trying to minimize the danger or to find some distraction from it, I said to myself: ‘For as long as this raid lasts–an hour–or eight hours–you are going to be terrified. So just carry on and be terrified, that’s all’–and at once the strain ceased. Oh yes, I was terrified: I’ve often had to resort to sheer force to hide the fact that my teeth were chattering, and been unable to speak as my mouth was too dried up and stiff from funk. But at the same time I felt that God had put His hand right down through all the well upon well of darkness and horror between Him and me and was holding the central point of my soul; and I knew that however afraid I was then, it would not, even could not, break me. I always volunteered (after the discovery) for most frightful things (if called on to do so only!)–like Mobile First Aid in the street, and fire watching on the roof Nell Gwynn: and always knew God was there in a special way, to accept the offering of fear. It’s only when we try not to experience our special suffering that it can really break us.” (November 11, 1949)

It’s okay to be human . . . That’s exactly where God meets us.