One of those days

I’m continuing to read and be inspired by the lives of protestant missionaries.  My current favorite is a book by Isobel Kuhn, a missionary to the Lisu people in China in the 1940’s.  The book is entitled In the Arena and basically recounts the challenges she faced in her daily life as a married woman and mother living in, in all reality, the outskirts of the world, high in the mountains.  Here is her account of  “one of those days.”  A little background: she was about to start a Bible School for some of the natives, her husband was out of town, the missionary, Charles, who came to help her came down with rheumatic fever, and it was the rainy season.

It was a Sunday, Eva [her helper] had gone to church.  I was going to go to bed early but had a feeling that I should go down to Charles’ cabin first and see if he needed any help.  He did.  The rheumatic fever was getting under way now, and he was in such pain that he needed a shot of morphine.  So back up the slippery path I went to sterilize the hypodermic needle.  Behold, the charcoal fire in the kitchen was almost out.  With much blowing and coaxing I got a few coals hot enough to boil it the ten minutes required.  Then down the mountainside I went again with the pot and needle.  But I had never given an injection before this as John [her husband] had always done it for me.  Charles was suffering yet I hated to experiment on him.  I felt I must confess my inexperience to him.

“Oh, it’s easy,” said Charles, picking up the needle and fitting it on the syringe.  “You just want to make sure there is no bubble,” and to show me how, he held the syringe up, pressed the plunger and shot my carefully sterilized needle through the open window into the wet mud of the dark mountainside!  I had no other needle so had to take a lantern and search for that one.  Then I trudged up the mountain to our kitchen only to find that the fire was out!  I forget what happened after that.  Probably church was dismissed and Eva came to my rescue, for lighting charcoal fires was never where I shone!  My first lesson in giving an injection!

She and Charles would joke later: “Oh, it’s easy.  All you do is–shoot it out the window!”

Isobel goes on to say:

Small harassments; they come to everyone.  What are we to do with them or in them?  Seek a promise from the Lord.  Nothing is too small but that He will respond to comfort or to guide . . . .

“When did I licht ma auld lantern?” asked a Scottish deacon.  “Was it no when I was comin’ frae the lict o’ ma ain hoose along the dark road tae the licht o’ yours?  That is where tae use the promises–in the dark places between the lichts.”  Stumbling down the mountainside in the rain with a tray for a sick fellow worker–from ma hoose tae your hoose–that is where to use your light.

Believing God’s goodness

I have been thinking a bit these past couple of weeks about a number of things.  First: about living selflessly, living for others, living for the Other, Christ, who lived His entire life only for others, and praying for that grace to be released more and more in my own life.  Along with that, I have been pondering the lives of those who, like all those mentioned in Hebrews, did not obtain in this life what was promised.  (Cf. Heb 11)  The priest who said Mass for us this past Saturday–whose homily I hope to soon post–spoke about the European cathedral dwellers who labored on churches whose completion they would never see, cathedrals which would not be finished for hundreds of years.  Their lives were certainly lived in hope, in living for others–the others who would contemplate and be moved by the beauty of the buildings they themselves would never see.

There come times in all our lives where we can’t even see the beginnings of the building, but only see its ruins.  What then?  My friend, Debbie Herbeck, has just written a book called Safely Through the Storm (Servant) in which she collected 120 quotes on hope.  Being a quote “collector” myself, I did not hesitate to get a copy.  The following quote from Fr. Benedict Groeschel (#8 in her book) brings together, I think, all my little threads of reflection:

When things fall apart and all seems to be ruined and when the terrible question “What do you do when nothing makes sense?” comes right home, the answer is that it is the time to believe.  It is the time for faith . . . . One must grab onto God . . . . One must be able to say, “I believe that God’s goodness is going to bring about some greater good by this horror.  It may not be a great good for me in this world, but it will be a great good someplace, somewhere, perhaps for those I love in the next world.” (Arise from Darkness, When Life Doesn’t Make Sense, p. 132)

“And elsewhere many other saints . . .”

Today is the feast of St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein), a Jewish Catholic martyr of the 2oth century.  I am currently reading a book called Edith Stein and Companions on the Way to Auschwitz. I have hardly gotten past the first few pages, actually the first few paragraphs of the Foreward by Fr. Ralph McInerny who died this past January.  I will simply quote them for you to ponder:

Once, in monasteries, religious houses, and seminaries, the Roman Martyrology was read in the refectory before meals.  Each day some of those who had given their lives in witness to the faith were commemorated by name, and often the tortures they underwent were described.  Each day’s entry ended with a sentence beginning “et alibi aliorum plurimorum sanctorum . . . .” And elsewhere many other saints . . . . This tradition continues in some monasteries.

We may feel sad for all the anonymous martyrs gathered into that commodious final sentence, but that would be a mistake.  They are all entered into the Book of Life, and the names of each are known to God.  For all that, it is important for us, not them, that the names and sufferings of some be explicitly known by us.  The saints are put before us as models of the Christian life, and martyrs are the ultimate models.  We need to know more about some of them.

“For all that, it is important for us, not them, that the names and sufferings of some be explicitly known by us.”  A good friend of mine recently came over to our house to borrow some books on martyrs, so that she and her husband could read aloud from them once a week to their children.  She perceives–as did Fr. McInerny–the importance of familiarizing ourselves with those, not much different from us, who have gone before us, braving death for the sake of Christ. Reading their lives can give us courage as well.  One finds that they are pretty much ordinary folks like the rest of us who were simply willing to rely on Christ for what is humanly impossible.  One of my favorite stories is of one of the Ugandan martyrs,I believe.  He was too afraid to face death, but another held out his hand to him and said something to the effect that he would hold his hand and help him.  That scene is, for me, such a visible playing out of the desire of the Holy Spirit, our Helper, who holds out His hand to each of us.  “Be not afraid.”

The pass of suffering

In reading the book by Richard Wurmbrand this past week, it is hard not to think of all those who have gone before us to Christ by the path of martyrdom and the many who tread that path today.  This poem by Emily Dickenson succinctly sums up their secret and is an encouragement to all of us.

Through the straight pass of suffering
The martyrs even trod,
Their feet upon temptation
Their faces upon God.

The Difficult Love (5)

Back in January I started a series on “the difficult love”: loving those whom we find difficult to love.  The ultimate test, of course,  is loving our enemies . . . which Christ has indeed commanded us to do.  I have been reading the life of Richard Wurmbrand, a Jewish Christian pastor who was imprisoned and tortured in Romania during the Communist regime there.  His wife’s entire family, who were Jewish, had been killed.  Years later, in God’s providence, the man responsible for the killing of Sabina’s family, friend of their landlord, ended up staying in the same apartment building where they were living.  When Richard discovered this fact, he spent the entire night in prayer and fasting to prepare himself for meeting him.  He made no mention of any of this to Sabina. Richard sought him out with the intention of bringing him to Christ.  The man resisted, becoming very angry.  The landlord had to forestall a potentially ugly scene. As the conversation progressed and moved in other directions, Richard discovered that the man had a love for Ukrainian songs.  Richard, who knew those songs and could play them on the piano, thought, “The fish has entered my net!” He invited him back to his apartment and played some of the songs for him–softly, because his wife was asleep in the next room. He couldn’t help thinking of the power of David’s harp playing over Saul’s troubled spirit.  Richard then said to him–Borila was his name–“I have something very important to say to you.”  He proceeded to tell him his wife’s story.  I’ll let him tell the rest:

He jumped up, his eyes blazing, looking as if he were about to strangle me.

I help up my hand and said, “Now–let’s try an experiment.  I shall wake my wife and tell her who you are, and what you have done.  i can tell you what will happen.  My wife will not speak one word of reproach!  She’ll embrace you as if you were her brother.  She’ll bring you supper, the best things she has in the house.

“Now, if Sabina, who is a sinner like us all, can forgive and love like this, imagine how Jesus, who is perfect Love, can forgive and love you!  Only turn to Him–and everything you have done will be forgiven!”

Borila was not heartless: within, he was consumed by guilt and misery at what he had done, and he had shaken his brutal talk at us as a crab shakes its claws.  One tap at his weak spot and his defenses crumbled.  The music had already moved his heart, and now came–instead of the attack he expected–words of forgiveness.  His reaction was amazing.  He jumped up and tore at his collar with both hands, so that his shirt was rent apart.  “Oh God, what shall I do, what shall I do?” he cried.  He put his head in his hands and sobbed noisily as he rocked himself back and forth.  “I’m a murderer, I’m soaked in blood, what shall I do?”  Tears ran down his cheeks.

I cried, “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command the devil of hatred to go out of your soul!”

Borila fell on his knees trembling, and we began to pray aloud.  He knew no prayers; he simply asked again and again for forgiveness and said that he hoped and knew it would be granted.  We were on our knees together for some time; then we stood up and embraced each other, and I said: “I promised to make an experiment.  I shall keep my word.”

I went into the other room and found my wife still sleeping calmly.  She was very weak and exhausted at that time.  I woke her gently and said, “There is a man here whom you must meet.  We believe he has murdered your family, but he has repented, and now he is our brother.”

She came out in her dressing gown and put out her arms to embrace him: then both began to weep and to kiss each other again and again.  I have never seen bride and bridegroom kiss with such love and purity as this murderer and the survivor among his victims.  Then, as I foretold, Sabina went to the kitchen to bring him food.

. . .

Borila’s happiness was very moving.  He stayed with us that night, and when he awoke the next day, he said, “It’s been a long time since I slept like that.” (In God’s Underground, pp. 224-225)

Richard & Sabina Wurmbrand

“I remember Thee”

I noticed something this morning as I was meditating/studying Psalm 42.  The psalm seems to fluctuate between feelings of desperation and self-encouragement to hope in God for “I shall again praise him.”  The “something” I noticed was a shift from focus in v. 4 to v. 6.  In v. 4, the psalmist attempts to lift up his spirits by remembering things in the past, ways that he had led worshipers in giving thanks to God for things He had done, the remembering of which should surely give him hope.  Not a bad thing to do when you’re discouraged.  Definitely a step in the right direction. But in v. 6, when his “soul is cast down”, he “remembers thee“.  He remembers God, and God alone.  How much better to lift our minds and hearts to God rather than just dwelling on the things of God?  Things and events may change, but God is always immoveable and unchanging, and that implies that His Love is unchanging . . . for He is Love.

“Do Thou For Me”

Amy Carmichael’s note on this poem of hers: “Ps 109.21.  A prayer that may be unfathomable comfort to the ill and tired: ‘Do Thou for them, for him, for her, O God the Lord.’  When one cannot pray minutely or powerfully, this prayer suffices.  We need not tell Love what to do; Love knows.”  God knows better than we what is best for those we love.  Here Amy is simply encouraging us to trust Him who knows how to love best.

Do Thou For Me

Do Thou for me, O God the Lord,
Do Thou for me.
I need not toil to find the word
That carefully
Unfolds my prayer and offers it,
My God, to Thee.

It is enough that Thou wilt do,
And wilt not tire,
Wilt lead by cloud, all the night through
By light of fire,
Till Thou has perfected in me
Thy heart’s desire.

For my beloved I will not fear,
Love knows to do
For him, for her, from year to year,
As hitherto.
Whom my heart cherishes are dear
To Thy heart too.

O blessèd be the love that bears
The burden now,
The love that frames our very prayers,
Well knowing how
To coin our gold.  O God the Lord,
Do Thou, Do Thou.